


This Was A Mistake

by gundamGreg



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-03
Updated: 2011-07-03
Packaged: 2017-10-21 00:17:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/218706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gundamGreg/pseuds/gundamGreg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ARE YOU SCoOPING THIS CHOISE BIOPTCH?</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Was A Mistake

**Author's Note:**

> the mistake was writing this

"Bro i think im a cat" said Hella Jeff, complete with a crappily-drawn and heavily-artifacted version of Nepeta's suit pasted on his head.

Sweet Bro was not amused, and was saying, "how HIGH do you even have to BE to do something like that"

Nepeta giggled at the newest SB&HJ strip, which Dave had made in response to all of the 'gogdamned furries' that he now had to interact with on a day to day basis. She was finally starting to get some of the irony that humans were so fond of, and would amuse herself by finding the humor in it.

She pondered getting into some of it herself, since Dave had made the first move with the comic strip. After a few moments of thinking, she decided that the purrfect way to get back at him would be to try and 'prank' him with some of his own work.

She knew that he was secretly amused when they used the Alchemiter to create the comic's objects, complete with retina-offending anti-aliasing, in the real world. And they were actually quite destructive most of the time, due to their physics-warping nature.

So she decided that, yes, she would use the Alchemiter to create something that would most symbolize the spirit of SB&HJ as a whole. Then present it to Dave as a gift.

Provided, of course, that it didn't collapse into a black hole of unadulterated shittiness, taking them all with it. But it was a chance that Nepeta was willing to take!

Sneaking over to Sollux' computer, she brought the comic's site back up, and proceeded to print out every last strip using the Captcha Printer that nobody was supposed to use without express purrmission.

And, finally, with a handful of Captchalouge cards, Nepeta stole away to the alchemitizing room. They had all of the equipment. All of it. And everybody had used it often enough to have the basics down.

First of all, Nepeta tried adding them all together, but there was actual grist involved in creating the result. A lot of grist. It was completely, impossibly uncreatable.

Nepeta decided that was probably for the best, and switched it to OR all of the cards together.

This time, the result required a metric fuckton of negative artifact grist. Without a beat, Nepeta hit the button to do it.

The resulting explosion of light was nearly blinding, especially to her, and she meowed unpleasantly and covered her face with her hat until it passed.

"DUFE," a voice suddenly said, and it was quite annoyingly accented, "ARE YOU SCoOPING THIS CHOISE BIOPTCH?"

"bor you KNOW i am," was the response from a second party, and Nepeta lifted her hat to see what was possibly the worst idea she'd ever had come to fruition.

Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, in the weirdly twitchy and color-shifting flesh, apparently 'scooping' her out.

They grabbed for her, their shittily-drawn hands slipping on her normal, universal-law-obeying sleeves. Even though she could have easily escaped, Nepeta was, to say the least, still a little stunned at what she had created.

"NWo neither of us will be virgos," Bro exclaimed, and Nepeta gasped as they positioned her in between them, something resembling a dick jutting out the front of each of them.

Nepeta shouted when Jeff pushed it against her face, finally pushing him back to say, "Wait, wait! If I do this, you two have to go and frazzle Dave's fur."

"dam!" Jeff said, and then tried to thrust against her again. When she refused to relinquish control of his hips, he hollered out a war-cry.

"wate bro! maybe we can....... DO the dave two," Bro suggested, and Jeff stopped screaming long enough to consider the idea.

"dokay," he finally responded, and Nepeta smiled before leaning in to nuzzle Jeff's cock, giggling as the fuzzy anti-aliasing tickled her face.

"taek off your cloths," one of them requested, and Nepeta quickly divested herself of her pants, finding herself oddly aroused by the thought of how strange it would feel to have one of them inside her.

Sure enough, Bro jerked her hips up and worked into her. At the same time, Nepeta leaned forward and took Jeff's cock into her mouth, purring around it.

She could feel the artifacts around them shifting inside with each movement. It was amazing enough to make up for their utter lack of sexual know-how, as they each just kind of jerked spasmodically while she moved between them.

"DUde we gota," Jeff suddenly said, reaching out his arm over Nepeta.

"i am not a homosexual," Bro said, even as he reached out and tried to high-five Jeff. Not so surprisingly, he missed, and managed to slip rather spectacularly at the same time. Nepeta grunted as Bro fell on top of her, still inside.

Apparently all of the sudden movement was enough for them, as they each came rather suddenly, pulling out of Nepeta. She hissed softly at the sprinkling of fuzzy white pixels they ejaculated, trying to quickly brush them off. Only half-satisfied, she pulled her pants back up and stood up.

Sexually sated, they both began to laugh and jeer at how badly the other had been, while Nepeta quietly slipped away, already ashamed of her bad decision.


End file.
